so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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