420 ftw
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
