She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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