So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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