Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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