Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
