And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
