I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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