I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
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