We're like a lot better than the average bears
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
