Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
