That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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