I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
