Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
