Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
that's an acceptable place to lick
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
