he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
