I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
