Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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