he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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