I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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