Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize