I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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