Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
