Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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