i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
