One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
