so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
