I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
