wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
