So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
