HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
