I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize