I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
