I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
