He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
