i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
