my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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