I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
