Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
