your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
