just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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