thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
