I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
