Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
