Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
