Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
