If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
