This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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