he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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