I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
