big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
well you can't waste a boner
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize