I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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