Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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