You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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