My nipple is on Facebook.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
