You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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