Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
