why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
