I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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