I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
