Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I look better un-naked...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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