You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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