so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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